Where have I been, and where am I going?
An Ignatian Examen year-end reflection
By Kathy Coffey-Guenther, PhD
Senior Mission and Ignatian Leadership Specialist
Jesus is born! The presents are opened, guests have come and gone, and the malls are busy with gift returns and another round of sales! The new year looms just beyond tomorrow.
Rather than fall into a post-Christmas slump or head into obsessing about New Year’s Resolutions, St. Ignatius has a different invitation for us.
He invites us to participate in, what he termed, the most important prayer that we could say each day. He writes that even if we don’t have time for any other prayer or spiritual reading in the day, we must make time for the Examen, a way of taking inventory of who we have been this day, who we are called to be, what gets in our way, what helps us stay on our best paths, and what we can try to improve for tomorrow.
Ignatius knows that each of us will wrestle with our divided hearts, the self that wants to follow God and live from our best potential, and the self that feels selfish, unmotivated and resentful of another’s success.
This wrestling is part of every awakened human journey, and Ignatius offers us the Examen as one way of learning to live with honesty and integrity as we tell the truth of our lives in this daily manifestation of conscience. Ignatius reminds us that we can request and receive forgiveness every day and all day as we need. We also can receive the grace and gift and freedom of redemption each day as we attempt to figure out the truth of our lives with honest intent and clarity of purpose.
Ignatius knows this wrestling to interior freedom from the inside out, as he wrestled with his divided heart, ego, distractions, fears, lusts and obsessions, as well. Ignatius knew that it would take discipline, courageous honesty, compassion, love from and with God, and perseverance of spirit to stay on the path to interior freedom.
He also knew that this living inventory of authentic living needed to be grounded in sincere gratitude for the gifts, graces and blessings in his life. Being thankful for the gifts of our lives roots us in perspective, which allows us to see beyond ourselves to the larger challenges facing others in our communities and world.
When we feel compassionately connected and touched by another’s’ journey, we naturally become less self-centered, more generous and more aware of and grateful for the gifts of each day. We begin to really and deeply know and feel the miracle of the lives that we have been given, warts and all.
So, in the spirit of “end-of-the-year truth-telling” and in the grand company of St. Ignatius himself, I invite you to take a few minutes before New Year’s celebrations to reflect on the past year.
Join us in a quiet meditation on where you have been, and where you are going.
Ignatian Examen
Find a comfortable and quiet place to sit and spend a few minutes centering yourself. Breathe deeply and allow your breath to slow your mind, your body and your spirit. Pay attention to how you feel in your body, any aches, pain or stresses that need attention. Notice your energy level, your sense of passion, your sense of wakefulness. Check in with your heart and your sense of emotional affectivity.
Do your heart and spirit feel light and alive with hope and love, or are you carrying some burdens that you just can’t release or understand?
Whatever you discover in this scan of your body, mind, heart and spirit, just notice, pay attention without judgment, and move on.
When you feel like you have settled a bit, bring to your mind and heart two or three memories from this past year that really inspired you, opened your heart and spirit, taught you something meaningful and helped you better understand your passion and purpose.
Perhaps these experiences were explicit invitations to better know God. Just sit with these memories and experiences of the past year and be aware of how you feel in your body, heart and spirit with those memories. Let yourself savor them.
Now, bring to your mind and heart two or three memories from this past year in which you felt you were really struggling. Perhaps you felt anxious or irritable or angry, perhaps you felt restless and could not find your peace. Be aware of these experiences without judgment. Did you have a sense of God with you in these tough times?
As you review all these various memories, does anything come to you that you need to release, that is blocking your way to the future, or that needs to be forgiven so that you can feel more peaceful. Sit with that…whatever it is…without judgment, and if you feel so moved, ask God to help free you as you need. Breathe in this new peace.
Now let yourself think about tomorrow and the days going forward. Listen very carefully for the deepest longings and desires in your heart today. Don’t judge, shame or argue about them. Just listen. Pray for the courage to keep listening, with curiosity, and let your desires and longings be your guiding compass going forward. Make space to listen and wonder and learn, and see how God’s voice is deeply intertwined with our deepest heartfelt desires for good.
Lastly, bring to mind and heart those people in your life who love you deeply; those people who encourage you and champion you, who are honest with you and hold you when needed. See each of their precious faces in your mind and thank God for the blessing they are to you. Ask God to bless them and protect them. See and feel the goodness and richness of your life. Breathe it in. Trust it.
When you feel ready, close your Examen with an “Our Father” or a “Glory Be.” Decide when you will come back tomorrow to reflect on your day, where you have been, where God has been, and what you are learning along the way.
